My heart is open to healing

 

I like to write about all that goes on in my life on a day to day basis as a way to get all the stress out. Writing things down has taught me so much about my life. It has helped me with my quick temper and my need to always be right. When I say my need to be right, I mean that I had this need and want to always prove myself. I felt like no one really understood my story or what it was like to walk in my shoes.

There was this constant fight in my heart and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I felt like the only way to get over it was to finish the battle. Little did I know that the only way and the best way to rid of the hate in my heart was to let go. I needed to let go of the fight that I somehow thought was important. It would be nice if this lesson I was learning only took a week or a month, but me being the strong-willed human that I am it took me a little longer. Apparently I like to take my time in life learning the important lessons. I am a little surprised I graduated high school in the right amount of time.

Hate is a disease and it comes in many different disguises. That need to want to prove oneself and to be heard is bread from hate. I spent a lot of years resenting my parents and hating the life I was dealt. I don’t know if I have ever expressed that to them, but it was a pretty dark time in my life. I could not understand or wrap my mind around the state my life was in. I want to regret those days of hate I had in my heart. I want to take them back and have a do-over. I do know that if I did not have those regretful days or have that hate in my heart that I would not be the woman I am today.

I do want to make something very clear though. I have the best parents in the world. They were patient with me when I had no idea how to deal with the anger and the hatred that was in my heart. They loved me despite all of my flaws. They showed and still show me day in and day out that I can dream as big as I want and that I can actually achieve those dreams. As I now live states away from my parents I understand how much I rely on them. If you have parents that believe in you and love you, then count yourself blessed.

This is already too long. Sorry.
Let go of hate and begin the journey that is towards love and understanding.

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