Do you ever feel like the words you want to say just aren’t right?
I would never call myself a perfectionist. I just hate being vulnerable. I honestly mean that. It’s something I am working on. I know it’s a good thing to have vulnerability (with the right people) It’s a constant struggle, as is writing what I know needs to be said.
I sit on my bed or in my chair with either my laptop or journal and think about what is going on in my life at the current moment and try and process. For me writing has always been a process of emotions and a way to leave it all within the lines. I was a very angry child growing up. I didn’t know how to process my extreme emotions. I didn’t need medicine or some foreign boarding school. I needed an outlet.
It took a while for the anger I had buried deep down in my soul to be dug out, but eventually I was able to learn how to process the anger and confusion. I am definitely that person that needs to walk away and be alone for a little bit before I say something I know that I will regret either right after I say it or an hour or two later.
I have never wanted or do I ever plan to be a writer who pleases her audience. I can’t be that person. I don’t know how and I hope no one expects me to be that person. I want to be the writer that rants about tourists and bad drivers. I want to be the writer that is honest about the tears that find me when I least expect it.
Sorry this is so long. I hate it. I hope if you read this. thanks. I mean that’s cool that you want to read the ramblings of me.