Real Talk

I wasn’t prepared for this

I don’t know other’s reasoning for putting things off. I don’t like being put into the category of procrastinating. Yes, it’s a thing, but mostly it’s this gigantic piece of fear standing in my way. I’m terrified of writing anything that could cause a little bit of controversy. I’ll say it, but writing it is forever and forever terrifying.

I just turned 30 and I don’t feel 30. I know everyone says that and now I know what it’s like. I am feeling trapped in this place where I have no idea what my next move is. I can’t believe I am 30 and still don’t really have a solid idea of what I want my life to look like. Yes, I have dreams, but let’s be real here. I’m 30 years old. I don’t have the luxury of doing whatever.

I believe dreams are important, but reality hits a little harder.

I don’t live an Instagram worthy life or even trying to fake one. I like my chaotic life. I enjoy saying what comes to my mind and chasing after dreams.

I have learned more about myself in 2019 than most of my life. This post has no real point. I do however really want to be more open about my life.

A goal I have set for myself is to be healthier. Spiritually, mentally and physically. These are all areas that I really struggle with and they do come easy.

I am reading through the entire bible this year and so far I am loving the daily task of setting aside time. I am learning discipline and it’s been amazing to grow in small amounts of time.

Mental health for me looks different for others in the way that it’s very internal. It affects every part of my behavior when I am not taking care of myself. I don’t recognize who i am when I neglect self care. I have nightmares and just want to eat chocolate.

Which leads me to physical health. I have never been someone who loves to workout. I grew up playing sports and that was how I stayed in shape. Throwing this into the mix hasn’t happened because I told myself about a month ago that I could go without working out.

I don’t love my skin I’m in and I am unhappy with how I look (duh). Being physically healthy improves my mental state tremendously and I am working on a plan now.

If any of this rings true for you then know that I am struggling right along with you. It’s insanely hard, but nothing it impossible with Christ.

We got this!

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